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What is Resilience?

All about Resilience and Conflict Resolution

You may think your’re not very resilient.
The word “resilient” might bring to mind all of the struggles and setbacks that have plagued you in your life. You might be thinking about how hard it is to recover from some of the worst ones. You may be thinking “I’m not resilient at all – just look at how often I’ve struggled to get back up!”

If you’re thinking any of this, then you are probably one of the most resilient people.

You have suffered, you have struggled, you have waded through a seemingly unstoppable tide f difficulty – and you have survived.

We tend to think of resilient people as those who are unaffected by the challenges of life, who take a setback with a smile and laugh in the face of their obstacles. But this is not resilience.

The person who feels no emotional distress when difficulty arises is not displaying resilience. The person who fails miserably, feels intense negative emotions, and survives to try another day is displaying resilience.

Put simply, resilience is the ability to adapt when faced with difficulty, trauma, r tragedy. We all demonstrate resilience throughout our lives. While some people may be more resilient than others, resilience is not an immutable trait or characteristic that you either have or don’t have. resilience is a learned ability, ne that can be learned and built and developed by anyone.

If you still dn’t believe you’re very resilient, the good news is that there are some ways to continue building on your resilience.Some of these exercises and activities may help you develope your resilience, and some may make you realize how resilient you already are.

Either way, the outcome is more confidence in your ability to bounce back.
“Bounce Back!” is an acronym for some of the foundational principles of resilience, specifically:

B – Bad times don’t last, and things get better.
O – Other people can only help if you share with them.
U – Unhelpful thinking only makes you feel worse.
N – Nobody is perfect – not you, not your friends, not your family, not anybody!
C – Concentrate on the good things in life, no matter how small.
E – Everybody suffers, everybody feels pain and experiences setbacks; they are a normal part of life.
B – Blame fairly – negative events are often a combination of things you did, and plain bad luck.
A – Accept what you can’t change and try to change what you can.
C – Catastrophizing makes things worse – don’t fall prey to believing in the worst interpretation.
K – Keep things in perspective. Even the worst moment is ut one moment in life.

Start by thinking about a time in your life that was particularly challenging or demanding, especially on that was emotionally draining or difficult emotionally. Think abut how you handled that situation and eventually came through on the other side.

Next, answer these questions:

• What was your goal?
• What was the outcome?
• What obstacles did you have to overcome?
• What unpleasant feelings and thoughts do you remember having in the situation?
• Who, if anyone, did you receive external help and support from?
• What specific attitudes and skills helped you cope with the situation?
• How would you rate your resilience in that situation?
• Why wasn’t it 0%?
• What strengths and personal qualities helped you?
• If it wasn’t 100%, how could your resilience be improved during similar situations in the future?
• Based on your experience how might you advise someone else to cope with a similar situation in the future?

Aside from the benefits and advantages we know resilience can bring, there is another type of resilience that can greatly enhance quality of life.

Shame Resilience
The Shame Resilience Theory was developed by author and researcher Brenè Brown. Brown noticed that the fear of being vulnerable hindered meaningful connection with others, and one of the many reasons we fear vulnerability is the feeling of shame. Shame is an intense and negative feeling of being hopelessly flawed and unworthy of love and acceptance, and it affects all of us at one point r another, but it can be especially gripping for some people.

Shame resilience is a specific kind of resilience to the intensely negative feeling, and building it can do wonderful things for our self-confience, empathy, and human connection.

According to Dr. Brown, there are four elements of shame resilience:
1) Recognizing shame and understanding our shame triggers (physical sensations like elevated heart rate of shaking).
2) Practicing critical awareness, of ourselves and of our environment and the way things work.
3) Reaching out to others and sharing ourselves and our stories (building a social support network).
4) Speaking shame to keep it from flying under the radar (Graham & Graham, 2015).

When we recognize shame and understanding our triggers, practice critical awareness, share with others, and keep shame out in the open, we lay the groundwork for a type of resilience that will greatly improve our connections with others, our self-esteem, and our overall well-being.


Véé Nelly is a self-motivated, creative author who writes to share his thoughts and experiences with the public. The mission of this website at, is to inspire other aspiring authors to publish their writing. Genres that he is most interested in reading and writing include Horror, Crime, suspense, Thrillers, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Eschatology, and spiritual novel. He loves a well-crafted book with twists and turns. At home, Véé Nelly is the oldest of four siblings, an uncle to three, and the father of three. As the son of a retired Army Veteran and a mother who played the role of both parents, he had a difficult childhood. Although he had been through more than most, he drew hope and optimism from his experiences and directed his feelings into writing to share with the world. Outside of reading and writing, Véé Nelly’s hobbies include playing sports, cooking, creating new dishes, deep-sea fishing, sculpting, and volunteering. With a wide range of hobbies and experiences, he is able to produce varying and unique characters with different backgrounds and lives. Some of Véé Nelly’s favorite authors include John Grisham, Anne Rice, Stephanie Meyer, Dean Koontz, Stephen King, James Patterson, and Mary Higgins Clark. Still, Nelly would say that the most significant influence in his writing comes from music rather than reading. Artists such as Joe, Room 112, Brian Mcknight, Jon B., Avant, Keith Sweat, and other R&B musicians from the 80s and 90s were his greatest inspiration. Véé Nelly has self-published two series: “Visions of Poetry” and “Visions of Truth.” The first series includes “Poetic Knight,” “Thorns and Roses,” “Midnight Rendezvous,” and the newly released collector’s edition, “Visions of Prosetry.” The Second series includes “Death Unto Life” and the collector’s edition “A King’s Fall.” Both of these series are available for purchase from our online bookstore. Véé Nelly has just released his new book, a suspense thriller titled “Dark Haze - The Island,” which is currently available. He plans to release a novel based on his life story within the near future called “Unburnt, Surviving My Enemies Flame.”