… Sometimes I long to feel the sun upon my skin, but my hurt, my pain, my tears of rain keep drowning me…. I wonder, am I going insane? If only I can breach the surface above, I will become as free as a little bird that flies that longing sky in the glare of the sun. But I am trapped beneath. Oh God, can you hear my cries in this ocean so deep? Can anyone see my face? Lend a hand, pull me out of this disgrace? I must keep pressing on that matrix mirror, my face rests upon, beneath. I don’t know anymore which is up or down… I look up every time the moon and sun rises, but I see no one, only my reflection… Someone help me!
“Who am I?” It is the question we all ask ourselves throughout our lifetime, whether we’d love to admit it or not. Some say that when you are about to die, one’s entire life flashes in front of your eyes. Well, in my case, my life flashed before my eyes on many occasions, but I didn’t die. I didn’t want to die. But now…
What is an island but a body of land surrounded by the ocean? I am the metaphorical island; in this case, at least, this is how I feel. An abandoned and lonesome island surrounded by some glass surface, where nothing can be seen, no matter which way I’d turn.
I am trapped. Not sure anymore, whether in my mind or in this time, that physical hands cannot grasp hold of. However, I am sure of one thing, what binds me now in this invisible cage is nothing I’d ever seen or experienced before…
I wish for death every day, but every time I think my life finally escapes me, it turns out to be just another dream. Torture, stuck in a loop. I’d open my eyes, and there it is, playing in front of me like a movie on a screen. Is this the place called Hadēs, where so many immortal souls fear they’d end up?
Today or tonight, I cannot tell anymore, like every other day, I just opened my eyes from death’s dream. The movie of my entire life is about to begin. Ironically, people had it all wrong. They’d say there is always the calm before the storm. In my case, it was the total opposite, and it’s driving me insane…From the book “Dark Haze-The Island–TC Neville Senior/2020