Love vs. Lust

How Can We Determine The Difference?

Love & Lust

How can we tell the difference between the two?

KVINC JUL 17, 2022 Post Comments

Photo Borrowed from Pinterest
Photo by Alvin Epps

Background

The above photo of the woman and bees were used as a "Photo Prompt" that inspired me to tell this story entitled, "Dark Venom" (inspired by true events). What's even more ironic about this picture and the story behind it... who knew years later after writing this prose that I would now be on the path of becoming a Certified Beekeeper. Learning about bees and getting to handle such powerful, important, yet delicate creatures is one of the most amazing things I have ever done in my life. Well, it also proves that the rendition of the prose above and the biology of honey bees did not so much contradict what I know now about these tiny creatures. So, I got that part right.

Did You Know?

What I would love to point out however, is that the male honey bee in a colony of social bees (which does no work but can fertilize a Queen) are called, "Drones" (which has no stingers or lances). The female bees are the ones that basically do all the work and nurturing in the hive. The females are the only bees that have barbed stingers attached. Sadly enough, when a female honey bee (Workers) uses its stinger, it immediately perishes, except for the Queen who can use its stinger multiple times because the stinger is not barbed. But the male bees, (ladies please don't enjoy this too much) in the colony of hives are only good for one thing, breathing with the Queen Bee, where-after making their deposit, they die on the spot. Talk about literally "Going Out With a Bang!" (LOL!)

Insights on Dark Venom

This piece was based on true events from my past. It touches on themes such as:

  • The Complexities of Love
  • Abuse
  • Mental Health
  • The Destructive Behaviour of Lust
  • A Revengeful Spirit
  • Un-forgiveness
  • The Power of Seduction
  • Weakness of a Sinful Flesh
  • Deception
  • Naivety, amongst others...
  • THE TAKE-AWAY

    The 'take-away' of this short-story "Dark Venom" summarizes that when Love is applied the wrong way, it can be very destructive. So destructive that it will paralyze every fiber of your body and soul. Everyone has their own unique explanation of what this feeling could be compared to. If you have been down the road of love and passion, then you should be familiar with its cousin: Lust. Whatever the application, we all have lusted after something whether materialistically, or spiritually. Those of us who have tasted its fruit know all too well that the more this flame is fed, the bigger it becomes. Lust consumes us by burying its nasty barbs and tentacles into our very flesh and soul (its almost self-destructive when its desire grabs hold of you in the moment).

    Isn't it incredible when all previous events leave you in disaster (like the man in the story, Dark Venom) at the end of the day; you're sitting there reflecting back on what went wrong, and how you fell so low to the point of loosing everything, including your sanity? Suddenly, after the enchantment wore off, you begin to see things clearly, but it ended up being too late?

      "What in the world was I thinking?"
      "What in the world got into me?"
      "No, No, that does not sound like me!"
      "Really, I did what?
      ... allowed that to happen?"

    I know I've been down that road before on many occasions. I smile today as I think about another illustration when I previously said 'on many occasions'. Some would ask, "Didn't you learn your lesson the first time?" Well, the answer is yes but... Okay, hear me out. Have you ever drank so much alcohol at a party that left you in a hazy cloud of regret... dazed in confusion, or blank? Then, when you finally come to... pouring your innards into a toilet bowl? What goes through your mind at that exact moment?

    "Help Me God! "I will never do this ever again!" "This is the last time!"

    Then after some 'time' you find yourself in the same fetal position like the previous one, repeating the same mantra? LOL!

    Let me be clear, I'm no alcoholic and neither do I endorse this. It took me three times in my life to finally realize that I was indeed a lightweight when it came to liquor consumption. Those days have been over for me more than 3 decades ago. What can I say? Love is indeed "Complicated" in Word, Feeling, and Action.

    The Difference Between Love and Lust

    Many people tend to use the word "Love" very freely when it comes to romantic relationships. Moreover, some people make it an unwritten rule to never tell their suitor "I Love You" in the same breath during "The Love Making" (if you know what I mean) for fear of what it might do; fear of how the other person might interpret it. Most often, new couples never say these words during the first couple months of a brand new relationship (some never even say it for years). Most would make it some sought of a challenge, like if the other person should say the forbidden three words first, it was as if that person (who folded) were weak to have fallen in love with the other person so quickly and their so-called vulnerability is exploited or pawned off as immature.

    1. Have you ever been in this position?
    2. Have you ever been so passionate about your significant other and wanted to reveal to them how much you love them, but the timing of it was just too soon?
    3. Have you ever just met someone; went out on 3 dates in less than a month and already your date is already throwing around the "I Love You" word?
    4. How did you feel about that; what went through your mind?

    Sometimes I wonder who says the words first, the women or the men in the relationship (I think it to be the men if you are a natural romantic). My take on the whole thing is... I've always believed that you should tell a person up front how you feel, (family, friend, or significant other) especially if you care and love them. Don't you already show them your love by your actions? I mean, what's wrong with that? But here is the kicker when it involves the complexities of romantic relationships.

    As I look back at the younger me saying these words, I am embarrassed to count how many failed relationships occurred, and how many ex-girlfriends I've told "I Love You" to. The word "Love" has many different applications and can be very complicated when using said application the incorrect way.

    "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"

    Those of you who are Spiderman fans like me will get this quote. In my teenage years, I was always an emotional and sensitive person when it came to the romancing; even to this day. Setting the perfect scene and location; the view; the music; roses; fireplace burning in the background; the warm bubble baths...Yup! The full package ladies! But what did I know about the meaning and the complexities of love back then except trying to imitate it from television, music, or other people? Absolutely nothing! My mistake, was not realizing how powerful this word actually was. Moreover, my greatest mistake was when I said the words during intimacy. Yes, that's right! I was performing the greatest artistic dance that evening when I whispering in the ear of my lover the forbidden three words, "I-Love-You." Lightening and thunderclaps could be hear, then disaster followed thereafter... I was so irresponsible, it almost killed me, literally... to the point I had to move out of an entire state to get away from a person who did not take breakups well. This is not funny at all audience (I can hear you snickering).

    Here is the scenario:

    Boy breaks up with girl (justified reasons), changes his phone number and job, and does not tell her the new number, county he lives in or place of employment. Boy is under the impression that since he has not heard from girl in several weeks, she moved on. Boy is at work busy with fast-food orders when a co-worker shouts,

    "Hey John, You have a call."

    Boy goes over to phone says hello, and heard girl say,

    "Hello, did you think I wasn't going to find you?"

    ( yes, with all the fixings of a potential stalker, voice and all)
    Boy says,

    "Jane, How in the world did you get this number?"

    Jane says,

    "... called every restaurant number in the phone book"
    "Click!"

    Oh wait, it does not end here...

    Boy visits his mother's home, goes outside to get some fresh air in the yard. Suddenly, the old couples next door who really never spoke to Boy for years, except for a courtesy greeting, comes outside and says to boy,

    "Hey son, how you doing?"
    "I'm fine."
    "Do you mind if we speak with you?"
    "Oh... Okay."
    "Come on over, we have someone here who also would love to speak with you."

    Lo and Behold, who should walk out of the neighbor's home? Girl. Yup! That's right, she made her way to Boy's Christian neighbor's and told them every-single-thing, and convinced them to talk to Boy so Boy could get back together with Girl. Wow!

    At the time, I was only 19 years old and she was at least 6 years older. As wise and experienced as I am today, the overarching question:

    "Did I really understood the weight of what the words 'I LOVE YOU' actually meant to the receiver?"

    I would soon learn the demise behind these words that caused me great pain and heartaches to come. While the younger and immature me used the 'Love' word in place of the 'Lust' word (unintentionally that is), all the while my new girlfriend took the meaning of "Love" very seriously (almost marriage-like, till death do us apart).

    "Incorrect Application Used For the Wrong Equation Equals Disaster."

    I honestly felt at the time I loved her, but again I was not experienced and responsible for loving and taking care of myself, so how in the world could I have been responsible for loving and taking care of another human being?

    Here is an analogy:

    You're walking around a mall, come across the Pet Store and see this beautiful little kitten showcased in the window with its pink paw giving you hi-fives on the glass. You immediately run into the store, mind made up that you will take her home today. The Pet Store clerk smiles at you and slaps a bunch of papers (terms, conditions, policies, agreements) on the counter that you have to sign and verify before you can take your new toy home. You are so excited that your background-check "checked out," and you disregard reading the papers, blindly signing them.

    You finally arrive home and let your little kitten out her cage to run around. She is so cute. Then all of a sudden she begins running around your house like a bat out hell, ripping up furniture, knocking over lamps and pooping all over the place. Weeks past and the kitten is growing, eating, pooping. From racking up a bill, to attacking your visitors. You cannot take her back because when you finally read the paperwork, it said no returns. Moreover, the little fine print tells you that your little feline toy is not trained, mixed with a Bob Cat, and she was found in the wild. Ha! Who's fault is it now, the cat or you for taking on the responsibility you knew you couldn't handle? That kitten never asked to leave the Pet Store with you. You checked her out with the promise to love and care for her always. But, before the kitten, your house was a mess, you were behind on bills etc, etc... Do you get the picture now?

    We all were given the power to "Love" with our own free will, but with this great power, there is a responsibility behind the word that is attached.

    This is why Scripture tells us to marry first and foremost before anything else when it involves intimate relations. Marriage comes with the vow of reminders to both parties of what that love entails. But, in today's society marriage is basically becoming extinct or obsolete. Divorces are running rampant it's crazy. People these days seem to get divorce over trivial matters as small as a husband snores at night, or an argument about whose turn it is to cook, wash the dishes, or do laundry.

    Love and Lust, do they mean the same thing?

    Let us look clearly at both their definitions. The Oxford Dictionary of English defines:

    "Lust" as a strong sexual desire or a passionate desire for something. In Theology, the word is chiefly used as a sensuous appetite regarded as sinful: lust of the flesh...
    "Love" is described as a strong feeling of affection; a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone; a great interest and pleasure in something; verb [with object] feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone) ...

    The definition list under love is very long, but as you can tell, the two words of "lust and love" are closely entwined. So how do we sought this thing out?

    Question

    1. How does one determine the line between the two words?
    2. How does one know which application he/she is actually using for the right equation?

    What are your thoughts?

    Vee Nelly ( Author )

    Vee is a poet and writer by heart from the West Indies. He has published several series of books. To name a few, "Visions of Prosetry, A King's Fall & Dark Haze. Continue Reading